Love Him or Leave Him?

I’ve been hanging out with this guy for a while. Me and him have been friends for a long time but now we’re kinda together except he wants to keep it between us cuz he doesn’t want all the drama and labels and stuff. Anyway, he says he loves me but he keeps actin like I’m just his friend still when we’re with his friends or mine. I told him I wish he would treat me like a gf and stop callin me when he just wants to hook up and stuff, but he said I was bein dramatic and makin it complicated. Then he didn’t talk to me or text me for a week til his parents were gone and he wanted to hang out with me one night. I thought that maybe it’d be different but it was the same and I kinda went with it but then felt like shit about it. My best friend says I should drop him cuz he’s not there for me like I am for him. But I love him and he says he loves me. What do you think?

-Unsure

Dear Unsure,

Read the quote in the image above and think about all the ways that this applies to you right now. I get that this guy has been your friend for a long time, and that you have feelings for him, but it sounds like you are settling for less than you want, which is less than you deserve. If you’ve already tried to tell him what you want and he’s only trying to discount your feelings and keep things the way they are, why keep trying? It sounds like he’s simply interested in “hooking up”. I’m not sure if you mean that you two are having sex (in which case I gotta say make sure to be on birth control and use a condom, just in case you aren’t already), or maybe that means you’re making out and keeping it above the belt. Either way, you aren’t getting what you want out of this so-called relationship, he doesn’t even want to admit it to his friends or yours, and you sound unhappy. Love is not enough to keep a relationship going. It sounds like he isn’t ready for a relationship or doesn’t want to be in one. You do want to be in one, so call it quits with this guy. Give yourself space, which means no responding to his texts etc., especially not any “booty calls.” I know this sounds really hard when you care about someone so much and had hope for what you two could be together, but you two aren’t on the same page. You need to focus on yourself and go with what you want. If you don’t respect and care about yourself enough to have the kind of relationship that you really want, you’ll just end up feeling worse and worse as time goes on. Sorry if this comes on strong, but you asked for an outside opinion, so there it is. Put yourself first, listen to your best friend, and leave him before you get even more caught up putting his wants ahead of your own.

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